Seeing God is hard for some. For me, I have learned to ask to see His hand in my life and in the life of my family and those around us. Over the summer I have been praying about my schedule and activities would could do in the upcoming school year. We were in a co-op for 7years and when I prayed about doing it this upcoming year, God said no. Since I was just getting my feet wet alongside my husband in our newly formed marriage ministry I figured that I would need that free time for ministry. I had the opportunity for an online co-op that I felt was very doable since we would not leave the house and I would only be committed to teaching 4-6 of 36 lessons. That was doable. But, once again I was thrown a curve. God said no. So we dropped the co-op. Once again I was trusting that God knew my future and He was not going to allow me to overwhelm myself. Then, we opened up a very successful marriage class and NO ONE signed up (well, one couple who was training for ministry did). This was very confusing. Now I had lots of free time on my hands. Since I thought the Lord was clearing my schedule for ministry and other circumstances that would take my time I had worked on getting my house in order and school planning through Jan. I am usually a "wing-it" kind of person so this was very unusual for me. So, now my house was in order, school planned, lots of free time but, no ministry, no outside committments, no....anything. But I did trust the Lord though I did ask Him if it was within His will to show me what He was doing. Well, He did. He know that I was going to have a very sick child that I would need to be home with for some time. What a joy to be allowed to see a small part of His plan for us. He knew what was coming and prepared me in as much as I was willing to be obedient to Him.
So what about the "Rejoice in your sufferings"? This is such a hard concept for people to grasp. It has taken many hospitalizations and hardaches for me to begin to grasp this concept. But God truly is good and knows what is best for us.
I have always prayed that my children would learn to know God deeply and intimately. I know that for me that has taken many physical hardships for me to grow in Him. When J was admitted to the hospital I began to pray that she would grow and mature in the Lord through this trial and that she would be able to experience God. I prayed that I would be able to help her see God's hand and presence throughout all she went through. It was a tough week. Time after time she was afraid. Time after time, she asked to pray. We listened to christian music on Godtube. We quoted scripture to help her reach out and trust God's hand. J went from a happy-go-lucky teen one day to a very sick, in pain, and frightened young lady the next. She was given very little notification for some pretty scary tests and surgery. No time to prepare, fearful of the unknown, tired, worn out and in pain. But, she trusted the experience God had given me over the years with hospitalizations and surgery. At every turn I knew her only hope for getting through this was focusing on Jesus. So at every turn I pointed her to Him. She showed such strength of character as she was so frightened but cried out to God. She sought prayer, comfort in songs that reminded her that God would never leave her or forsake her. She questioned God but never in disrespect, only in confusion with a willingness to accept His will.
There truly are very few ways to learn to lean on God except in those circumstances that test you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I watched my daughter cling to the Lord and learn to trust in a way that only suffering can truly bring. It broke my heart to watch her go through this. But the Lord let my heart soar as she clung to Him.
Watching your child in pain and frightened and exhausted when you cannot do anything to stop it is more pain than I ever care to bear again. But, I can rejoice in my suffering as I saw her get one step closer to God. I pray that she will one day truly be able to rejoice through her struggles in life though I pray they are minimal.
There is so much in which I can rejoice. God was with her through this whole ordeal and showed us His fingerprints over and over again. His Spirit was prompting me from the beginning and we caught this early. I can't imagine what it would have been like had I ignored those promptings. I am thankful that I was listening because I don't always. But I was listening this time because He had been preparing me for over a year to listen more closely. His hand is everywhere if we are willing to look for it. Thank you Lord that you were patient enough to help me learn to see. Thank you that you are letting me see a glimpse of how you are working in J.
God truly is so good. All the Time!
2 comments:
God does work in mistirious ways.
After reading about your experiance
with J, even though I have always been prud of you, I could not help feeling like the father of a bran new child.
You wrote about how difficult it was to watch your child suffer and not being able to do anything about it.
As many times that your mother and me have been in the hospital with you and all our kids and grandkids we know how you felt.
To have a child that can write so beautifully and express her feelings so well can only make any father even more proud if that is even possible.
Give J, the kids and Phil a big hug and kiss.
Love you all.
Lito & Lita
What a great post Gilda. What a blessing to hear how this trial drew your sweet J closer to Jesus, and though it was hard for you to see her suffer, you got to witness that "drawing" of J to Jesus. What a blessing!
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